I thought of blogging about serious medical issues now that we are approaching the season of wanton carnality and debauchery, then I thought #WhatWouldMagufuliDo? Eh. He would have that healthy balance between entertainment and information to educate.
Y’all will agree with me that there is a lot of pop psychology out here on what a woman should do to get and keep her man, but none for men. My brothers, worry not. I have come to your rescue on how you can get and keep your woman by embracing these grooming tips.
Brush, floss, … Don’t make me regret that kiss
A man is painfully handsome, taking my breath away… until he opens his mouth to speak and then I have to call Engineer Wachira to ask whether Olkaria processing plant moved its headquarters to his mouth. Brothers, brush. Learn about how to move that toothbrush properly in your mouth. Then floss, daily. A dental floss is Sh200 and you will use it for a whole year. Cheaper than a bottle of beer. A woman likes to feel the lips of her man on her neck, lips… now are you going to make my hair stand because of excitement or fear of the smell in your mouth? Then get that spray for fresh breath, its only Sh 150. During the day, spray it a little in your mouth and smile at me eh.
Vest and socks…and boxers
Isn’t it just sad that you wear an expensive shoe, take me to big restaurants and then your pairs of socks have holes and smell? Cheeei. Tip here:buy a pair of black cotton socks at Sh55 in Tuskys every month…or two if you can afford it. Then wherever you store them (drawer, paper bag or in a bag) you’ll never worry about not matching them because whatever you pick will be black anyway… or brown, or white depending on the colour you choose. Then wear vests please. It is what traps that sweat on your arm pits and saving us the agony of seeing that ugly patch of sweat on your arm pits. And they are white, usually, so change them every day, don’t let them turn brown. Imagine I want to feel great leaning on your chest when I cry or I’ve missed you. I don’t want to faint. Please pay that attention on your boxers as well
Women love a man that smells good. Okay let me speak for myself. Not peaches and mangoes kind of good, no (though I wouldn’t mind 🙂 ) Just that masculine good. I know colognes are expensive but there parfum labels that cost Sh150 or less. I would love to have my man smell of Escape from Calvin Klein but baby I understand Sh 7,000 in this economy is too high. So get Lord or something. You will still smell good after a good shower.
I am not going to belabor the medical and nutritional benefits of water. You got to have a smooth face too, that’s water. Let your sweat not smell like a freaking urinal. Water will help with that so drink it. It will also spare me the agony of visiting the toilet after you.
Exercise, eat well and… then go for medical check ups
I want you to live longer. To avoid those scary diseases that come with being sedentary. So exercise. Just skip rope and there are these ten minutes daily work outs you can embrace, they are all over the internet. Exercise also makes you look good and feel confident. No, a pot belly is not a sign of wealth. Maybe wealthy of diseases that will take you from my arms and leave me all cried out Dump that woman who tells you a potbelly is necessary. That bimbo is digging your grave. You see how much you look after your car or phone or laptop? I would like you to pay half of that attention to your health. Just once in six months, visit my friend Ouma Oluga and get checked out. You would be surprised how a simple blood test would lead you in the right direction on what to eat, what to avoid.
Can you add to this list? email me email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
PSST: Don’t do anything over Christmas that you wouldn’t want to narrate to Jesus should he land now.